Have You Ever Felt Rejected?
As a DEI practitioner, I talk a lot about inclusion and creating psychologically safe spaces for people who have always been on the fringe; who have never quite fit in and probably never will. That's why I co-founded Different DEI with Alex and Grace Yi. While I’ve learned to embrace the solitude inherent to my identity/lived experiences, where it remains a challenge is as an entrepreneur.
Few people can relate to my lived experiences, as such, few doors open for me. Years ago, I sat next to an older white business man in a plane, who struck up a conversation with me, which started off politely enough only to end in him telling me how much I reminded him of one of his childhood caretakers. It was another poignant reminder that no matter how hard I worked in corporate environments, that is most likely how people with power relate to me - as someone who exists to serve and care for them. It is a daily battle of the heart and mind to not fall victim to a self defeating belief about myself; so I press on.
As a Haitian-born woman, who later took on the hyphenated Haitian-American identity as an adult, I’ve never really fit in anywhere. Immigrants know this experience very well. Both the social and self alienation that comes with never fully belonging, but perhaps tolerated, changed the trajectory of my life. I’ve spent most of my life superficially moving between social circles, globetrotting and never letting people really get to know me. I did not trust they could relate to my lived experiences, which seemed so messy and different.
If you are someone in a position of power, who aspires to support equity in our society, here are a few suggestions when you are interacting with those of us who don’t clearly fit the mold:
➡ While it might be comfortable for you to hire people who look like you, who make you feel comfortable and who you feel can relate to you, ask yourself what is more important - your comfort or your growth? Growth comes from a place of discomfort. What does not grow, dies.
➡ Expand your experiences beyond your immediate purview. When you travel, take every opportunity to go “native,” I always did and it changed me for the better. Putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable might make you more empathetic.
➡ Take a chance on someone of a completely different background. That person may hold a key that can unlock possibilities you never even imagined.
➡ Don’t be afraid of the disrupters and independent thinkers who may seem a little too out there. Oftentimes, they are divergent thinkers because of their different lived experiences and that super power makes them agents of change.
➡ Lastly, its your lost, if you pass me over. I'll take my 👧🏾 🪄 elsewhere.
These are a few of the ways I've dealt with rejection in my life.
What are some of the things that you do when you feel rejected or overlooked?
– Milka, Co-Founder of Different
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